The Opportunity for Growth in Admitting You Need Help

Asking for help is one of those uncomfortable issues that nearly everyone can relate to on some level.

Maybe like you, I’ve always been far more comfortable offering my hand than accepting that of another.

And yet, there is an often overlooked and undervalued fundamental tenet of highly resilient people: you don’t get extra points in life for toughing it out on your own.

When we’re struggling or feeling lost asking for help may sound like the obvious solution, but for many of us the discomfort of appearing vulnerable and weak, or the risk of being rejected is enough to avoid admitting what we want and need.

It will change your whole life for the better if you can accept that rather than an indication of weakness, it is a sign of courage and resilience to be vulnerable enough to admit you could use a hand.

Note to self: It does not make me weak to ask for help, or to admit that I am not in a good place now … it takes courage to be real and vulnerable.

How I Found the Courage to Ask

After living most of my life in Hawaii, a change in living circumstances meant I needed to find a new home, and I decided to take the plunge and return to the mainland.

I knew this new path would mean big changes, and there were many more questions than answers, but I was more than ready for new scenery and adventures.

It didn’t take long to discover the biggest challenge I’d be facing with the move would be transporting my loveable pug-nosed pup, Lucy.

It was that thing about the “pug-nose” that soon came to dominate my days and keep me awake at night.

At 18-lbs Lucy was too big to be allowed in the main cabin on the plane, and the airline industry has banned brachycephalic (short-nosed) breeds from cargo transport due to health risks.

I adopted her when she was 6-weeks old, and we’ve been through a lot together over the years, including her successful recovery from cancer, so leaving her behind was unthinkable.

Long story short, after repeatedly calling the airlines and researching every option I could find, it became obvious the only way to transport her was to use a private pet relocation service.

As you can imagine, this is a service that does not come cheap.

I was horrified when my niece suggested setting up a fundraiser to cover the cost of her transportation. It was bad enough to admit I couldn’t do it all myself, but to ask for help from strangers?!

But as hard as it was to admit, I did need help.

The previous 3 years had been a rollercoaster ride of dramas beginning with a divorce that left me in a financial pit courtesy of my ex-husband’s substance abuse, then there was my dad’s unexpected death, and Lucy’s surgery to remove the cancerous growths.

As if this wasn’t enough, I’d been diagnosed with a rare degenerative eye disease which meant more surgery and medical bills.

I’ve always taken great pride in being tenacious and resilient as hell, but at that point, I was running low on funds, energy, and ideas.

So, I finally caved and set up the fundraiser with no idea what to expect.

The response was immediate and overwhelming, but what touched me the most were all the good wishes and prayers received, many from complete strangers.

Say what you will about the platform, but it was with the help of a huge community of Facebook friends, followers, and beyond, that I raised more than enough for the flight in less than 2-weeks, and Lucy and I made the move to Oregon together.

What I’ve come to understand through this experience is that when you muster the courage to ask for help and become comfortable with your own vulnerability, you can’t help but grow as a person.

How to Become More Comfortable Asking for Help

You’ve heard it before, “If you don’t ask the answer will always be no.” so if you struggle with asking for help, the best way to increase your comfort level is to practice.

Make a List

Make a list of simple things you could use a hand with. At work, it could be learning new software, using a particular piece of equipment, or simply dropping something off in another department. At home, it might be errands, the laundry, some cooking, walking the dog, or changing a light bulb.

Choose the Right Person to Ask

Create a list of friends, family, and colleagues. who may be willing to offer advice, support, or knowledge.

This is not only a good way to practice, but you will also learn valuable communication skills and over time build a trustworthy mutual support system.

Just One Thing

Choose one request to practice at a time and contact someone from the list you’ve prepared.

Be clear and direct. Instead of saying, “I wish I knew someone who could walk my dog,” and hoping they’ll get it. Ask outright: “I need help. I’m not feeling well, can you walk my dog for me today?”

Be sure to take some time afterward to think about what went well, or anything you might do differently next time. This is how you grow and begin building confidence.

Don’t Assume

If you make your request by leaving a message, sending a text, or an email, and you don’t receive a response right away, don’t assume you’re being ignored or turned down.

There could be many reasons for the delay, so give the other person some time and the benefit of the doubt.

Ask with Gratitude

Make people feel good about helping and give them space to be kind and helpful. If you’re uncomfortable, they’re uncomfortable.

Believe in what you ask for and let them know how much their help means to you.

If They Say No

It’s bound to happen at some point, try to remember that if you do get a “no” accept with grace and muster the courage to try again.

It’s tempting to think that you’re placing a burden on others by asking for help, but chances are if they asked you, you would help if you were able to do so.

Just ask! Your next promotion or raise, your new job, your new relationship, your way out of financial hardship or the solution to an impossible problem, your free sample or big discount … and much more might only be an ‘ask’ away!

The Takeaway

Asking for help is not a weakness, it is an act of courage and resilience that opens the door for endless opportunities, and you can’t help but grow as a person in the process.

It might be difficult in the beginning, but the more you practice, the more comfortable it will be to ask. Keep reminding yourself that everyone needs help at one time or another.

Perhaps by having the courage to ask for help, you will help someone else have the courage to ask for help as well.

Here’s to living and loving your resilient life!