In Every Disappointment Lies Opportunity

Every piece of the puzzle of your life journey has value, including disappointments.

Whenever you have hopes or expectations, there is the risk of disappointment.

You fall short of reaching an important goal; the bonus you were counting on didn’t come through. A trusted friend let you down, or someone you’re attracted to ignores you.

Maybe you didn’t receive birthday wishes from someone you care about. You tell yourself it’s not a big deal, but you still feel hurt and disappointed.

We experience disappointment because we care. We make assumptions that certain things will happen, so we take things (and the behavior of other people) for granted.

This is the nature of disappointment.

Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted. ~Aldous Huxley

How Fear of Disappointment Holds You Back

The more you avoid the possibility of disappointment, the more likely you are to make choices that will keep you safe but living in an ever-shrinking world; stuck but secure.

What this looks like will be different for each person, but for those who tend to bury their feelings, it often appears in the form of avoidance behavior, anger, or a pessimistic outlook on life.

Ultimately, avoiding the risk of vulnerability not only makes it difficult for you to manage life’s inevitable challenges but also greatly limits your ability to grow and experience true happiness.

Should You Simply Avoid Expectations?

Many people will tell you the best way to prevent disappointment is to avoid expectations altogether.

I get the desire to avoid the pain of disappointment, but I’ve never been able to follow that advice, nor do I want to because to me the sacrifice is far greater than protecting my ego from a little bruising now and then.

Hope and expectations embody all the energizing emotions and sentiments -trust, excitement, and anticipation. They motivate and keep us moving forward even when we’re faced with overwhelming obstacles or naysayers telling us we’re wasting our time.

How does it all go so wrong?

By definition, an expectation is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

The key to determining the risk level in our expectations lies in being honest with ourselves about the source of those beliefs.

For example, basing expectations on any of the following is an invitation for disappointment:

• Considering any variation on the specific outcome you desire to be an abject failure.
• Taking for granted that others will support your efforts and behave in certain ways.
• Pursuing a goal because it sounded good (or impressive), or because you want what others have.

The point is that your desires and expectations need to be connected to the things you can control, your attitudes, beliefs, and actions.

It also means being brutally honest with yourself about how willing you are to do the hard work — for however long it takes — to make that dream or goal a reality.

This is where that stuff called grit comes into play because any meaningful pursuit will likely end up being harder and taking longer to achieve than you anticipate.

Call it what you will, faith, hope, or expectations; avoiding disappointment doesn’t have to mean dreaming smaller, just planning better.

3 Keys to Finding Opportunity in Disappointment

Accept It

When things don’t work out the way you hoped and planned, you may be tempted to avoid facing the reality for a time, but that will only keep you stuck and feeling like a victim.

Equally, if not more importantly, avoidance robs you of the opportunity to explore alternative outcomes and possibilities for growth and healing.

Acceptance is not resignation; it’s acknowledging the truth of your situation which frees you to move forward.

Own It

There is a tendency to blame disappointments on external circumstances, unforeseen events, or the bad behavior of others.

Of course, it is true that life can be unfair, and sometimes people do some pretty awful things, but you always have control over your attitude and responses.

The way you choose to handle the small disappointments in your life will not only determine your ability to develop the skills and resources to effectively rise above more significant hardships and adversity, but over time it will define your future.

Learn From It

Don’t be afraid to ask yourself hard questions about why you experienced disappointment.

What if the real reason you didn’t achieve your goal is that you didn’t really try, or gave up too early? Maybe you simply needed a better strategy.

Could it be that the friend who let you down didn’t even realize you were relying on them?

We often expect people to read our minds and somehow know what we want from them. If you don’t communicate those needs, you can’t blame them if they don’t respond the way you expected them to.

And remember, a setback isn’t necessarily a failure or the end unless you give up.

One of the most valuable lessons I learned during my career in sales was that ‘no’ sometimes simply means, ‘not now.’

There are always opportunities for growth in disappointment we just need to be willing to look for them.

Could it be that the more valuable prize is when we discover we can PERSEVERE through disappointment, and not crumble in the face of it? ~Anonymous

The Takeaway

Here’s my challenge for you today.

Open yourself to the possibility that every piece of the puzzle of your life journey has value, including disappointments.

Instead of thinking of the pursuit of dreams and goals as win or lose, success or fail, try redefining the steps as experiments on your way to achieving the desired result.

When something doesn’t work, learn from it, adjust, and focus on taking the next step.

If you’re hit with an unexpected detour, you can choose to see it as an opportunity to open yourself to new things and ideas you wouldn’t have otherwise been exposed to — learn what you can and keep moving forward.

Accepting the enormous power within you to influence the quality of all your experiences builds the character that you need to live strong and thrive.

Here’s to living and loving your resilient life!