How to Protect Yourself from Chronic Complainers

Beware of chronic complainers and their never-ending dramas, they will suck the life right out of you, leaving you exhausted, frustrated, and unproductive.

Most aren’t the least bit picky, they will complain about anything and everything.

The bus is always late, the customers are always idiots, the driver who turned without a signal is a jerk, the doctors don’t know what they’re talking about, and the cafe down the block has crummy coffee.

You name it, the complainer can and will complain about it. How people become chronic complainers is for another day.

Now our focus is on how to protect yourself from these energy vampires.

Complaining about a problem without posing a solution is called whining. ~Teddy Roosevelt

Protecting Yourself from Chronic Complainers

Start With You

I am a firm believer in the “me first” approach to problem-solving; meaning begin by looking at whether you may have (unintentionally) contributed to the situation.

How do you handle especially needy or emotionally draining people?

If you find yourself constantly rescuing others it may be that it gives your self-esteem a boost and makes you feel needed. Or it could simply serve as a distraction so you can avoid dealing with your own problems.

Many people tolerate toxic behavior rather than appear uncaring or risk an unpleasant confrontation.

Evaluating your habits and the health of personal boundaries will help you to identify vulnerable areas so you can then begin the work to effectively reduce the effects of energy-draining people in your life.

It’s About Them

Chronic complainers spread their negative messages to everyone they interact with, but if you’ve shown particular empathy to their dramas in the past, they may well treat you to a special extended performance.

Please remember, what they say and do is a projection of their reality and attitude — it doesn’t have to become your reality — unless you let it.

Focus on Solutions

Because chronic complainers often use their dramas to get attention, it can be challenging to tell the difference between “the sky is falling!” water-cooler gossip and a real problem that needs attention.

When this is the case, the best thing you can do is to disrupt the flow of negativity by asking this simple question, “What would you like to do about it?”

People I’ve either managed or coached over the years learned two valuable lessons early in our relationship.

If you hear about a problem or there is an issue that genuinely troubles you, take the time to do your homework and find out the facts rather than passing on gossip.

And secondly, I do not tolerate “drop and run” tactics.

I will give 110% of my attention and support, but be prepared to learn, grow, and work with me to find the solution.

Live by Example

No doubt about it, when it feels like you are surrounded by negativity, it can quickly wear on your nerves.

That’s why one of the best things you can do to keep your healthy positive attitude alive and well is to intentionally surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be.

Choose friends and business colleagues who you are proud to know, people you admire, people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it.

Get Serious About Personal Boundaries

There are times when each of us has taken a turn feeling like a victim of life’s cruel jokes, but here we’re talking about chronic behavior.

Trying to get someone in perpetual victim mode to see the good things in life is a no-win game and will exhaust you.

Of course, even energy-sucking people can have moments when they are a joy to be around.

When this is the case, the best you can do is learn to tactfully remove yourself from their presence when they default to complainer mode.

Too many people go through life complaining about their problems. I’ve always believed that if you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem; you’d be surprised by how well things can work out. ~Randy Pausch

Let Go and Move on When You Must

As tempting as it can be to simply ignore complainers, you do so at the risk of your own emotional and physical well-being.

Studies have shown that just the act of dwelling on negativity can adversely impact your immune system by inhibiting the good disease-fighting cells to proliferate.

You may not have a say over the people you meet or many of the events in your life, but you always have control over your attitude and response.

You can give negative energy power over you, or you can take control by setting healthy boundaries and focusing on the things and people that matter most.

Here’s to living and loving your resilient life!