How Good Intentions Lead to Broken Promises

Broken promises come in all shapes and sizes, from forgetting to pick up a quart of milk on the way home to betrayal in a relationship.

Regardless of the size or nature, the one thing all broken promises have in common is that they erode trust.

A promise establishes the expectation that a particular thing will happen, and when the commitment is fulfilled, it builds confidence that the individual can be counted on to keep their word.

Chances are you have people in your inner circle you trust without question because they have never failed to come through for you.

Likewise, I think most of us know at least one person who forgets promises almost as soon as they are made.

If the relationship is important to you, then you’re probably willing to chalk the behavior up to just who they are, but you know better than to entrust them with doing anything that really matters to you.

Of course, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.

Most of us take our promises pretty seriously.

Women, in particular, have a habit of putting the needs of others ahead of their own, which can lead to waves of guilt if they break a commitment no matter how valid the reason.

So why then do you suppose we find it so easy to break the promises we make to ourselves?

The Well-Intentioned Promise

If your first thought was, “What promises?” that is actually part of the problem.

One of the main reasons that we fail to follow through on personal commitments is that we don’t consider them to be promises at all, but rather intentions.

Does any of the following sound familiar?

I intend to …

· Start taking better care of myself.

· Eat healthier and start exercising.

· Stop bringing work home.

· Never smoke again.

· Commit to set aside quality “me” time.

· Start saving a little out of each paycheck.

· Say ‘no’ more often.

To be clear, I am not a fan of intentions — especially those so many people make at the beginning of a New Year — because they are the weakest kind of commitment.

Intentions are nearly always emotion-based.

You become frustrated with a situation or decide you should (or should not) be doing something, and then declare your intention to make corrections based on that emotional response.

Inevitably the feelings begin to fade, and you gradually ease back to where you were before you hit that emotional tipping point.

You may even try to convince yourself it wasn’t that big a deal after all.

Some of us will do this again and again because we simply don’t take these breaches of trust and commitments to ourselves as seriously as we do breaking a promise to someone else.

But for better or worse there are always consequences for the choices we make.

I feel keeping a promise to yourself is a direct reflection of the love you have for yourself. I used to make promises to myself and find them easy to break. Today, I love myself enough to not only make a promise to myself, but I love myself enough to keep that promise. ~Steve Maraboli

It Becomes Your Personal Standard

Breaking promises can become a habit just like any other behavior.

You may never break a promise to another person, but if you habitually break them to yourself, then in your subconscious mind this behavior is the acceptable standard when it comes to you.

In other words, you value commitments to yourself less than you value those you make to others.

Each breach of trust becomes easier and that means if you ever do want to create meaningful change, you’re going to find yourself in an uphill battle to muster the strength of will and discipline to achieve your goal.

Think about how you feel when someone fails to fulfill a commitment to you. You begin to lose confidence and trust in them, right?

It may not be as obvious, but the same thing happens when you break promises to yourself.

Each time you break a promise to yourself it chips away at your self-esteem and confidence, gradually building self-doubt about your ability to be counted on to follow through.

Most of us take our promises seriously and feel racked with guilt if we break a commitment, so why do we find it so easy to break promises we make to ourselves?

How to Begin Taking Your Promises Seriously

Taking promises to yourself more seriously will require that you consciously make the effort to raise your personal standard for that behavior.

Increase Self-Awareness

Become more aware of the commitments you make to yourself and regardless of what label you choose to use (intention, goal, resolution, etc.) privately treat them as what they are — promises.

Think Before You Commit

Before you make a promise to yourself take the time to honestly evaluate your reason for making this commitment.

Is it something you want to do or feel you should do? How much effort are you willing to put into it?

For example, there’s the serial entrepreneur who discovers a new business opportunity to brag about every other month or the guy or gal who declares their intention to run a marathon but never gets around to training or even running.

For some people there is such a sense of completeness that comes from talking about their goals, they never feel the need to make the effort to follow through and do the work.

Repeatedly making promises about things you aren’t seriously committed to, and therefore sure to fail at, is nothing short of self-sabotage.

Create a Plan of Action

It has become something of a trend in recent years to avoid setting actual goals, which is why the notion of intentions, themes, and one-word resolutions has become so popular.

Regardless of what you call it unless you put it in writing and create some sort of action plan, it is highly unlikely you are going to achieve your desired results.

So, if you are serious about fulfilling the promise you’ve made to yourself, then it’s worth taking the time to determine how you’re going to follow through.

The Bottom Line

Just as most people who break promises to others rarely do it to be mean or cruel; chances are you have all the best intentions when it comes to following through on the promises you make to yourself.

Sometimes life gets in the way, or maybe you are like me and struggle with superwoman syndrome and have to occasionally reign yourself in from over-committing.

Whatever your excuses have been up to now, it’s time to decide promises made to yourself are just as important as those you make to other people.

Nothing is guaranteed to boost self-esteem and confidence like building unshakable self-trust.

Here’s to living and loving your resilient life!