Are You Clinging to the Promise of an Unlived Life?

“If only” must be two of the saddest words in the human language.

Maybe you know someone like my friend Jane. From time to time, she falls into a funk about how different her life could have been, if only she’d finished college, hadn’t gotten pregnant, and married so young.

There would have been a successful career, travel, and opportunities to make a real difference in the world.

She would have had more, been more.

Whether or not she really would have done these things is irrelevant to the story, what matters is that the promise of this unlived life has become a part of who she is.

In a very real way, it provides her with the sense of certainty she needs to know that she is capable of so much more and would have achieved these wonderful things if only life hadn’t gotten in the way.

You need to stop clinging to the old story about what might have been, so you can use the energy to become the person you are meant to be.

The Nature of Our Unlived Life

While the remorse we feel for a mistake or flawed decision is all too real, there is at least the opportunity to learn and grow from the experience.

But regret for things not done or chances not taken is much harder to reconcile, especially when we find ourselves going through a rough patch.

We can’t help but wonder how much better life would be had we taken a different path.

What if you had pursued your passion instead of opting for the security of a traditional job? How different would life be if you had been able to afford college instead of having to quit school to help support your family?

Yes, life would have been different, but would it really have been better?

There is no way to know.

The harsh truth is that the stories we tell ourselves about what might have been are based on little more than supposition and fantasy.

More importantly, the longer you live with your story the harder it’s going to be to let it go because, just like the friend I described above, in time it becomes a part of who you are.

A Turning Point

Holding on to the emotional pain of an unlived life by replaying the “what might have been” story, again and again, will eventually suck the life right out of you.

Change begins with you.

At any time you have the power within you to create a new and better story by shifting your energy from dwelling in the past to accepting the endless possibilities of the future.

Begin by taking some time to clarify your thoughts and feelings. You could write in a journal, talk to a trusted friend or your pastor.

Once you have a good sense of the story that’s been holding you back, I highly recommend that you create an event to define this as a turning point.

For example, grab some paper, and with as much detail and emotion as you can muster write the story you want to let go of. Cry, vent your anger, say the things you’ve been holding back, whatever it takes to finally get all that sludge out of your system once and for all!

When you are ready, fold the paper(s) up, place it in a container, and burn it until there is nothing left but ashes, then toss it into the wind.

This ritual represents your line in the sand, the point at which you are finally free to begin moving forward with your life.

Clinging to baggage from the past leaves you no room to create happiness in the future.

The choice is yours to make.

You can decide right now, today, to not waste another precious moment of your life clinging to fantasy when the real thing is so much better!